The president of the Lesbury amateur neurosurgical society was found guilty yesterday of the sexual harassment of a female member. The jury in the case (which has run for over 4 months at an estimated cost to the tax payer of over £31.65) heard that forensic evidence linked the president with the junior female member and substantiated her claims that Mr. Felix Pertubate (82) had used his position of authority to lure her into his web of strange sexual practices. The jury of four men and 6 women heard how traces of Marmite and Pot Mash recovered from the dress of the woman (38) who cannot be named for legal reasons, were found to be a perfect match to samples taken from a large spatula found hidden in the glove compartment of a Ford Mondeo owned by Mr. Pertubate. Mr. Pertubate who had denied the charges from the outset, broke down and wept as the evidence was presented and then made a full confession to the court. In his summing up, the judge Mr. Jango Handloom said "I am appalled at the depths to which some people will sink to satisfy their perverse desires, but the use of a controlled substance such as Marmite is downright evil. The port authorities at Alnmouth must be given more funds and greater powers to fight the smugglers who continue to bring this poison into our city and cause so much misery and suffering" he continued. In a worrying trend this is just one in an increasing number of Marmite related offenses in which the aphrodisiac effects of this powerful drug have been used to render young women susceptible to practices they would never normally consent to. Police reiterated their warnings to young women to be wary of any man who appears to have a dark brown savory substance applied behind either or both ears