If we pick up our history books, we learn in chapter three that Viking invaders barbarically colonized the ancient kingdom of Northumbria. Sailing across the merciless North Sea from what we now term "Scandinavia" in their dragon headed long ships, they wreaked havoc upon anyone dumb enough to stand in the way of their undeniable right to slaughter and maim with impunity. The common perception, handed down to us through history, is of a wild and brutal race of flame haired warriors with steel blue eyes, who would stop at nothing less than total domination. At least that is what my history book says . Professor Clancy Umbridge however, begs to differ. "It may sound far fetched," I heard him mutter to himself, "but I have the proof". After thirteen years of in depth research whilst a Fellow at the Roddam Institute, Professor Umbridge flew in the face of convention by declaring, live on BBCs" Kilroy " that Northumbria's ancient invaders were, in fact Reptilian Overlords, who had been dormant for quite a number of years, locked in the ice floes of Norway and Sweden until that particularly hot summer of 584 AD "On thawing out, they obviously decided not to hang around just in case it turned nippy again, so off they toddled". The excavation of a burial mound at Blaewearie was expected by many, to bring to light Viking internments, ornaments and hopefully, a bit of hard currency. Umbridge seemed unsurprised when bizarre skeletal evidence was almost immediately unearthed. "See! I bloody told you!", he was quoted as saying. The evidence was compelling. On exhumation, the six remains were painstakingly reconstructed, to reveal creatures standing up to twelve feet tall. Fragments of leathery skin were also discovered and gracing these were clumps of coarse red hair, not unlike that found on a Tamworth pig. Archaeologist Edith Sponge who has worked in tandem with Professor Umbridge for several days was clearly delighted with the find. "The next thing to do is to analyse the genetic makeup of these once proud tyrants." she informed me. "Funnily enough, I am busy building a DNA decoder in my shed". The two colleagues informed me that the loose ends are not tied up at the moment. "There's still a lot of legwork to be done" they chorused in harmony. In their research, they hope to find a common gene in the remains that they can match with a small proportion of redheaded Northumbrians, whose eyelids close from front to back as opposed to the normal up and down. This breakthrough would, they believe, prove that our once dominant masters succumbed to the evolutionary perils of inbreeding