Tempers flared this week at the Cwm Pennant Loftydd festival. Recently relocated from the once traditional Pie Lofting Fields of Argyll the new format Welsh festival has brought with it as much ill feeling as good. Scheduled to coincide with the introduction of British Summer Time, the festivities looked set to exploit extended daylight thereby maximising the benefit to local business and tourism. As it transpired the realty could not have been further from the desire. Teams were intended to gather in the hamlet of Cwm Pennant on the Friday evening, however poor directions, inclement weather and a nasty accident with a rake resulted in only one complete team, the Northumbrian Ancient Order Pie and Flan Lofters, being present. In the hope of rescuing the event, Mefanwy Gor-Madness, the local coordinator decided that events should be put back one day. Despite this, contestants immediately began indulging in the post competition ‘après-loft’ activities. Mr Battle-Weary amused those present with renditions of the popular folk ballad ‘Old Nobby’s inexplicable discomfort’. The ladies entertained with their now familiar series of “Body Art” tableau’s, amongst them being; “The Mountains of Snowdonia”, “The Gordian Knot” and “Fruits of all Varieties”. Requests for the much loved but apparently uncomfortable “A Donkeys Delight” were politely declined. A veil is best drawn over the latter part of the evening. Matters went from bad to worse over the next few days. Weather, altitude and a misinformed deputation from the League Against Cruel Sports conspired to delay commencement of the competition. By Thursday things were looking desperate. Team manager Mr. Gravy-Boats Jnr. Son of the late Mr. Gravy-Boats was faced with a team comprising a vertiginous loader, an allergic catcher and an observer possessed by the soul of Brian Blessed. Despite these hardships, Mr Gravy-Boats rose to the occasion, an admirable quality for which he is noted. Only then was it realised that although the 8” mortar has been delivered, the team were missing the heavy lifting tackle required to move the 140lb weapon to the upper floors of the Tower, the chosen spot for this years loft. Thankfully, momentary abstinence from stronger forms of alcohol, coupled with a nice clean pair of brogues allowed Mr Boats’ creativity to shine through. Removing some of his most intimate under-apparel, Mr Boats fashioned a catapult of surprising vigour and within moments, the rite was underway. Final assessments show that the pie (conforming to the standards laid down by the Right Honourable Guild of Lofters) was moved through some 38 feet, setting a new record for a standard pie weighing in at a handsome 1lb 34grammes. Next years venue has already been chosen, plans to retake the Normandy Beaches have been mooted.