North Northumbrians have been named as the ugliest people in England. Their great lack of beauty has placed them third from bottom overall in a Home Office survey, just above the occupants of 27 Fishcake Lane, Monmouth, Wales, and the decomposed remains of Angus McTavish of Glasgow who had been beaten to death with a deep fried pie. The survey compared every area of the British Isles, inline with new EC regulations to determine levels of beauty. For the Home Office Mr. Austin Pertinent said “ The overall picture suggests that North Northumberland is an extremely ugly place to live or visit. We have to accept the whole area was subject to foot and mouth decease which restricted the activities and movement of everyone including the ugly, so this years figure is probably higher than expected due to the fact that none of them could be forced to leave in the usual manner. The area in question streches from Felton up to Berwick and across to Otterburn covering almost 1,000 square miles and under new Home Office rules all of the uglyness in the area had to be recorded. As a result the total number of cases in the North Northumberland area between April and August this year has risen from 2,870 to 14,962. “Youth uglyness as a whole in this period has risen by some 17%.” Said Mr. Pertinant