news
Jesus in Swarland

The home of Mrs. Agnus Stool has become a shrine after the image of Christ appeared in her bathroom. Agnus dropped her Vim in shock when she stepped back to admire her clean toilet and saw the image of Christ staring back at her from the bowl. A local vicar who visited the house was struck by the image’s similarity to the famous Turin Shroud and was so utterly convinced of the authenticity of the apparition that he carried out a formal blessing. Neighbours of Agnus heard of Farther Mingus Hatchets’ visit and began to file in to see for themselves and now two weeks later hundreds of people have flocked to the house to see the apparition, a permanent queue now stretches through Agnus’s home into the street in Swarland village.   Mrs. Stool, who was born in Swarland, said “ I did not believe what I was seeing, you don’t expect to see something like that in your nettie”. Father Hatchet said “you can certainly see the image of Christ very much as it appears on the Turin shroud, I’ve contacted the Vatican and they are sending an envoy here to have a look into Mrs. Stools magnificent toilet

Mamaduke Bimm
Events
Bobby Blar & the Blartones
Bobby Blar with his reknowned catalogue of local and international music, accompanied as ever, by his Gran (Mimsy) on the wind-pipe organ.
Tickets £1.50 on the door
Contact: Bobby
Chatton Harbour Fete
Chatton
To be opened by Norbert l King of Amble In aid of the Chatton and Chillingham Lifeboat
£1
Contact: Ned Mallaburning
Open Day
Deancroft Early Warning Station
Hosted by General Fife VC
Admission Free
Contact: General Fife VC