Plans for what has been dubbed ' the most ridiculous house in the region' have been rejected outright by the District Council amid shrieks and howls of laughter from the Board of Planners. Newly instated Chief Planning Officer, Grizwald Smee told Porkmice that he was “beside himsel' after viewing the proposal for the first time. "Ah cudd'nt diy nowt fo' laffin. The witta was streemin oot me heed." he said. The plans, submitted by Mr. Percy Duke of no fixed abode relate to a proposed structure being built up a beech tree left to him by his father in Ratten Row, Alnwick. Mr. Smee also added " thaz strikt roolz aboot mateerials permissible for use in new developments in wor catchment, an' am afrayd pattets, cardboard boxes and carpet tubes ar'nt on the list." In retaliation, an angry Mr. Duke was quoted as saying " A Northumbrians tree is his cassel. Its ahlreet fo' ee lot. Eev aal got a hoose. Aav been gittin me heed doon in an owld sheep-dip tank fo'thu past six weeks....an' its mingin'." Obviously a man of little means, cash for the project was hopefully to come from Lottery Funding. Failing this, Mr. Duke stated that he would be prepared to " sit ootside Woolies, and mek a reyt c*** ov mesell so'z folks wud hoy dosh at iz tu leev thum alearn." When asked why he intended to use such basic construction materials, Mr. Duke stated that " wen aah was a yungen, aah med a fort oot ov cardboard boxes, but it blew away..cos it was ownly med oot ov cardboard boxes......Aal nivver mek that mistake agayn." Percys right to appeal against the Councils decision expires within the statutory six month period