Yesterday, Judge Arbuthnot Growler of Yetholm, was found unconscious in his sandpit at his Ancestral home, being later pronounced dead on arrival at Kirknewton General Hospital. The renowned and respected Justice of the Peace was accredited with having developed the 'eeny meeny miney mo' decision making process in particularly tricky or highly controversial cases, such as that involving the 'Chatton Triads' of last year. His short but illustrious career began early in life, being forced to take the bench at four years of age, as his father, Arbuthnot Snr 'couldn’t be arsed anymore.' Causing a legal furore, he sentenced the infamous 'Lilburn Three' to death by suffocation having found them guilty of 'refusing to give him back his marbles, and pinching his dinner money.' A remarkably swift autopsy confirmed the suspicions of the Police. The headless torso of an 'Action Man' was retrieved from his gullet, thus revealing the probable cause of death to have been due to' Plastic Figure Inhalation.' ( P.F.I.) The possibility of foul play has not been ruled out. Arbuthnot Peasbody Growler 1990-2001 R.I.P.